(Elephant in satin stitch - my own work)
I remember, once upon a time in my 'youth', being upset about something someone had said about me, and moaning about that person to a friend. Instead of the sympathy and agreement I was expecting, I was asked "Well, what do you think?"
This simple statement has been one of the most powerful things anyone has ever said to me.
Did I agree with the unkind words? Did I believe what they said about me? Did it matter?
Could I ignore what they said, look into myself and ask 'Do I agree with what they're saying, or are they wrong?'
It might seem obvious, but if it were easy, we wouldn't be faced with a barrage of sayings and memes to remind us to do just that -
'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me'
'Be True to Yourself'
'Just Be You'.
In this modern, digital age, in particular, we are increasingly defined by others' opinions of us - how many Facebook friends do we have, how many Instagram likes.
I have spent many anxious and tearful days and nights worrying about others' opinions of me, especially in my teenage years where I didn't yet know who 'I' was.
It's a natural human instinct to want to belong and to be loved, and there's nothing wrong with that. However, too much focus on external gratification reduces our inner strength.
It's that phrase 'What do you think' that started my journey into NLP (neuro linguistic programming) which teaches you, among other things, how to see your own thoughts and beliefs in the context of others - that we're all different, and we all have different ways of seeing the world, with different values and 'maps'.
NLP teaches that we all have all the resources to achieve our goals already existing inside us. We just need to know how to access those resources.
This journey has instilled in me a deep sense of being constructive - rather than moaning about something, think instead 'What can I do to make this situation better?'
This is why WE Henley's poem has spoken so strongly to me, especially the last two lines "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul'.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
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